Indian Horse Essay

Jerome?s, and finally ends when he is an adult unraveling the layers Of his Firstly, Sail's journey for the truth begins in his early childhood. Past. During this time, Saul faces many demons he does not know how to deal with, so he chooses to run away from them. By doing this, Saul is haunted by these demons for the rest of his journey. At a young age, he witnesses the impact residential school has on his mother: â€Å"It was as if she was under the influence of a potent medicine no shaman had the power to break† (Wages 9). As he sees his parents reject their reality, he also rejects his win reality.This hinders Sail's journey, as reality must be taken for what it is, not hidden away. His parents also drink as a way to escape: † â€Å"80th my parents had taken to the Sunshades drink, and we left the bush in pursuit of it† (Wages 12). This further distances them from Saul, to the point where they are not there to raise him. This is why Saul embarks on his journey alone, as he believes that there is no one else able to help him. Finally, the only beacon of light in Sail's childhood, his grandmother, dies in his arms: â€Å"Instead, she was gone. Frozen to death saving me, and was cast adrift on a strange new rive' (Wages 24).Sail's grandmother is very important to him, so upon her death, Saul loses hope that his reality can be handled. From this, Saul tries to escape reality rather than face it, but the consequence is that he is unable to progress from this time period. He chooses to bottle up all these traumatizing events within himself, but this sets off his tumble into darkness. Due to his troubled upbringing, Saul does not accept his life as an Indian, nor the person that he used to be. Thus, the central theme is introduced, that people's past must be confronted, not avoided, so that they can move on, and accept their former selves.Secondly, after Saul enrolls at SST. Groomer's, he suffers deep mental and physical abuse, which hinders hi s journey for the truth. His time at SST. Jerome is the most traumatizing period of his life, as Saul clearly states â€Å"SST. Groomer's took all the light from my world† (Wages 35). The harsh environment Of the school scars Saul emotionally: I saw kids die of tuberculosis, influenza, pneumonia and broken hearts at SST. Groomer's. Saw young boys and girls die standing on their own two feet. I saw runaways carried back, frozen solid as boards. I saw bodies hung from rafters on thin ropes.So I retreated. T hats how I survived. Alone. When the tears threatened to erupt from me at night I vowed they would never hear me cry. I ached in solitude. What I let them see was a quiet, withdrawn boy, void of feeling. (Wages 44) Saul pushes away this reality by this by cutting himself off from the rest of the world and forgetting his true self. By doing this, he is able to survive, but he is arced to deal with the truth much later in his life. This would push back Sail's journey, as it co ntributes to the demons that he faces and carries with him.Ignoring reality just makes it even more difficult to deal with it afterwards. However, Saul is also special, as he is gifted with the vision that allows him to excel at hockey. Thus, he uses the sport as a distraction: ‘When I hit the ice I left all of that behind me. Stepped onto the ice and Saul Indian Horse, the abandoned Ojibwa kid, clutched in the frozen arms of his dead grandmother, ceased to exist† (Wages 66). Hockey is Sail's shield, and it is the way that he escapes from reality, but it does not help him confront his past. Instead Saul runs away from his past.No matter what people do, their past will always catch up with them. Finally, Saul reveals that Father Liberties raped him: â€Å"He was my captor, the warder of my innocence. † (Wages 162). The reader does not know this until much later, and this is reflective of Saul. Since he chooses to oppress those memories so that he forgets, he also a llows Father Liberties to continue to rape him. Those who ail to understand the past are bound to repeat it. As Saul is not able to fully comprehend the reality of his time at SST. Groomer's, he chooses to bury it deeply within himself.However, by doing this, Saul suffers great consequences, and he is unable to progress in his journey searching for the truth. This develops the central theme that the past must be confronted, not escaped, to be able to move along with life. Finally, much later in his life, Sail's journey comes to an end, and he is able to accept himself. Initially, when he loses his protection that was hockey, Saul is forced to slowly and eloquently face his past: M/hen the racism of the crowds and players made me change, became enraged because they were taking away the only protection had.When that happened, I knew that the game could not offer me protection any longer. The truth of the abuse and the rape of my innocence were closer to the surface. † (Wages 160 ) Yet, this is not the end of his journey, as he is not ready to face his past. As Saul prolongs his journey, he also continues to suffer. He dodges the past by pursuing a nomadic life before taking to alcohol: â€Å"In alcohol I found an antidote to exile . Covered that being someone you are not is often easier than living with the person you are. I became drunk with that. Addicted.My new escape sustained me for awhile† (Wages 144). By doing this, he faces even more demons, forcing him to dig even deeper to find the truth. Finally, Saul come to the realization that he must visit SST. Groomer's, now closed, and God's Lake, the place of his upbringing: â€Å"I'd never walked the shore of the lake completely. But did so that day, and every step closer to our old family campsite transported me further back. The angst in my belly disappeared. My thoughts cleared. I walked in a peace could not recall having experienced before† (Wages 163).Saul must come to terms with himsel f, so that he is able get rid of all the demons that he carries. By doing this, he is able let go of the past, and progress into a new phase of his life, one in which he is not constantly trying to escape. This leap is very difficult for Saul, but by doing this, he was able to find the truth he was searching for, thus completing his journey. His journey, albeit long and difficult, is ultimately successful, as by miming to terms with his past, Saul is relieved of all the pain he has been holding onto, and is able to accept himself.This also finishes the development of the theme that the past must be confronted to be able to move along. It does not manner the journey that people take to come to terms with the past, but it is only necessary that in the end, they are able to accept the past for what it is. In conclusion, Sail's life can be seen as a journey. From his days as a young Indian to his early adulthood, Saul choose to oppress any collections of the harsh reality of his childho od, instead choosing to distract himself with hockey, work, and alcohol.